


Regret

by reigningqueenofwords



Series: Kirk's Omega [22]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:00:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22658191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reigningqueenofwords/pseuds/reigningqueenofwords
Relationships: Alpha!Kirk x Omega!Reader
Series: Kirk's Omega [22]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1514180
Kudos: 7





	Regret

Kirk stared at you, feeling his eyes burn with tears at every second you took to answer. “I see.” He swallowed thickly. 

“I'm just scared.” You finally managed. “I'm becoming more and more a typical Omega, and that's not me.” You sniffed.

“There’s no going back from this!” His voice broke. “We made this decision together to have this baby, and now it sounds like you’re wanting to take it back.” 

You shook your head. “I love you both!” You told him, crying. “I don't want to take it back. I still want us, to get married, to have James… I just don't know who I am anymore.”

“And I ruined that.” He nodded to himself, looking around at the walls of your quarters. Your shoulders shook as you covered your face, sobbing. He was conflicted, as much as he hated to hear you cry, you had hurt him as well. “I...I think I’m going to work a double tonight.” He stepped away. 

Hearing that killed you. “I’m sorry.” You slid out of bed, leaving your things forgotten on the bed. “I’m going to sleep in my old room tonight.” Why stay there when all you were doing was hurting him?

“Don’t bother.” He shook his head. “I won’t be back tonight.” He grabbed his PADD from where it sat and nearly punched the button that opened the door. 

Your eyes watched him, feeling more pain than you ever thought possible. Your heart and body ached as you watched him leave, and you felt numb the more and more you sat staring at the door he left through. Looking around, your chest clenched. You just ruined your relationship. Another wrack of sobs hit you as you felt James pushing against your side. 

* * *

Spock looked surprised to see Jim as he walked on board. “Is everything alright, Captain?” 

“No.” He snapped. “I’m pulling an all nighter.”

Spock nodded curtly, moving back to his usually station so Jim could have the chair. Wordlessly, Kirk sat down, his jaw clenched. He stared out to space with a blank expression, slowly feeling the sadness consume him. Was this the end for you both? Before your lives together really began? You said you wanted him and James, and to be with him, but you obviously weren’t happy. 

He felt sick as it sounded like you had regretted the decision to have a family. And no matter what he chose to do, you wouldn’t be happy. He ran his hand through his hair, knowing it would be a long night. Even if he did choose to go back to the quarters, you told him you wouldn’t be there. He didn’t know what to do with himself. 

* * *

Come morning, you hadn’t really moved from where you sat, half crying and half staring at the walls. You couldn’t go to work like this. Your eyes burned, it hurt to breath, you were tired, you had the worst headache you could ever imagine, and you wanted to disappear. You wondered if Kirk would stay on the Bridge or come back to where you were. You worried that he’d never want to see you again, unless it came to James. The thought brought on fresh tears, which surprised you, as you didn’t think that you had any left.

The doors opened then, Kirk coming through looking much the same way you did. “Sorry, thought you’d be in your quarters.” He went to back out. 

Staring at the floor, you got up and walked out. “I’m sorry, I’ll leave you alone.” You said quietly, not missing how he called them ‘your quarters’ and not your ‘old’ quarters. Stopping, you turned and looked at him, taking off your ring. “I still want us, but I have a feeling I messed up too much. Here.” It killed you, but he wouldn’t even look at you.

He swallowed thickly and held open his palm to catch the ring. It hadn’t even been long the two of you had been engaged, but the thought of no longer being together had his hand shaking. It took you a moment to start to put the ring in his hand, sobbing as you did so. 

Kirk teared up as your sobs wracked your body. “Promise me that you don’t regret me or our son.” He managed to choke out. 

“I don’t!” You shook your head. “I love you both.”

‍He blinked. “Promise.” 

“I promise!” 

He pushed the ring back to you. “Then don’t take this off. A break will be just fine.” Your eyes snapped up to him, surprise on your face. “I’m mad and hurt. But not enough to give us up. You’re still carrying my son, I won’t give up that easily.” He had a pained look on his face. 

Nodding, you wiped your cheeks. “I’ll move my things out shortly. I haven’t slept, so I need to at least try.”

He nodded, chewing on his lip. He really wanted you to just stay, but he figured a break would best. When he didn't say anything, you slipped your ring on, wrapped your arms around yourself, and slowly walked away. 

Once you were out of sight he felt himself breakdown. He never imagined he could feel like this. He sat on the bed and hung his head in his hands, feeling himself lay down and fall asleep moments after. 

* * *

Walking into your old quarters, you were thankful that you hadn’t seen anyone else on your way there. The last thing you wanted was someone seeing you so broken. You grabbed a pillow and hugged it for support when you laid down, hiccupping softly. It would be a long time until you ever felt okay again.

You fell asleep an hour or so later, sleeping for the day and following night. You woke up to Bones about to use his medical override. Blinking, you looked over and saw him. “Good, you’re alive.” He sighed, looking worried.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” You sat up slowly, glancing at the clock. 

“Because you haven’t answered anyone who’s tried reaching you?” He pointed out. “We’re all worried.”

You frowned. “How long was I asleep?” You winced as he used his tricorder on you. 

He sighed. “All day, and all night. So, way too long.”

You sighed back. “Sorry for worrying you. I’m okay now.” 

Bones sat next to you and shook his head. “No, I can tell you aren’t. What the hell happened?”

You felt warm as you began explaining. “I think I messed up my relationship really bad Leonard.” 

“I didn’t think that was possible with you two. Being ‘true mates’ and all.” He glanced at you. “I’ve never heard of true mates splitting up, now that I think of it.”

“I mean, it doesn’t sound like he wants to break up forever. But he did want a break.” You sniffed, playing with your ring. 

He was silent for a moment. “What happened? He showed me his plan and I was actually proud of him.”

“I told him no. And then he asked if I regretted him and James and I stayed quiet too long.” You covered your face with your hands. 

Wincing, he sighed. “Well, you’re still wearing your ring. That’s a good sign, right?”

You nodded. “I’d like to think so. But I don’t know how long this break would last or anything!” 

“I’ll talk to him, maybe that’ll help him sort out his own thoughts.” 

“I told him I love him, and James, and that I want them both. I-I just don’t know who I am anymore. I’m becoming just some Omega, and that scares me, Leonard.” You sighed. 

“There’s nothing you can do about going home for the birth.” He nodded. “And unless you want to hire a nanny, you won’t be back on the ship.” 

Wiping your cheeks, you nodded. “I know. I hope that this doesn’t last this long. I’ve told him I’m sorry over and over, but I’m afraid I’ve ruined us.”

“Despite Jim being who he is, he’s sensitive.” He winced. “I’ll talk to him. He’s been doing okay work wise.” 

“And I’ve been sleeping and being useless.” You sighed.

“You’re pregnant. Not useless.” He ran a hand over your head. “Get a shower in and I’ll have food brought in okay?” 

You shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.” You agreed. “I also need to go get my things from his room.”

“Wait until I come find you again.” He sighed and stood, rubbing his jaw as he left the room. 

Once he left, you wondered if he meant to tell you to wait to shower or what. Shaking your head, you got up and decided it might help you relax.

* * *

Bones went to find Jim, feeling as if he was playing a couples therapist. He was calm about it though, seeing Jim was working on something down in engineering with Scotty. “Jim.” He greeted his friend. “Can I talk to you for a moment?”

Kirk immediately set his stuff down and walked to a free corridor with Bones. “Everything alright?” He knew things weren’t though, judging by his face.

He crossed his arms over his chest and walked. “I just came from seeing Y/N, actually.” Bones started. “I had to wake her up by getting in with my override code.”

Kirk bit his lip, his chest aching. “But she’s alright?”

“Physically. Not so much emotionally, or even mentally. Called herself ‘useless’.” 

Kirk made a face, then gave a soft shrug. “I know I need to man up and go check on her, but…” He shook his head. “I feel like our whole relationship was forced now.” 

Leonard sighed. “Look. I know my sister. If she didn't want something, she wouldn't force anything. She's just scared. She's pregnant, and told the mission is extended, but she has to stay home. She'll be away from you for months at a time, always worried about you. But she's scared if you quit the job you'll love, it'll make you feel the same. She loves you, and wants you, I can tell by how she sounds, and how she words things. I'm not saying she didn't say something hurtful, but she isn't referring to your room as hers anymore.” 

Kirk listened intently, then sighed. “As good as that is to hear about her not forcing anything...I still think we should take a break for now, but I don’t plan on being separated from her for a long period of time. Maybe just a week. I don’t know.” He rubbed his eyes. 

Shaking his head, Leonard's look was a bit harsh. “Then I wouldn't expect much work from her. I had to get her to agree to eat. Speaking of, I'll let you go back to whatever you were doing with Scotty. She hasn't eaten in a good 24 hours. If not longer.” He told him before walking off.

Kirk groaned, knowing that Bones would be protective of you. He couldn’t even think about working with Scotty right now. He apologized to the Scotsman and began making his way to your quarters. 

* * *

When you came back in from your lengthy shower, you saw Leonard there with a tray of food. “Hey.” You said softly.

“Hey.” He nodded, setting the tray down on the table. “Feel refreshed?” 

“A little. Cleaner, sure.” You half joked, sitting down. 

“That’s always a plus.” He nodded. “I talked to Jim.” He said, an underlying anger tone to his voice. 

You groaned slightly, picking at the food on the plate. “And?”

“And…” He drifted off as there was a knock. “Well, I might change my mind as to what I have to say if it is who I think it is.” 

Chewing your lip, you got up to answer the door. You were instantly met with Kirk’s intense gaze, stepping back to let him in. You played with the hem of your shirt, your eyes on the ground.

“Just coming to make sure you were eating.” He said softly. 

“I was just about to.” You motioned to the bed and sighed, feeling the tears welling up again.

Kirk and Bones held an intense gaze before Kirk’s resolve broke. “How about you stay with me tonight?” 

Swallowing, you looked at him. “That's okay. I know you wanted a break.” You told him sadly.

“I changed my mind.” He nodded, Bones also nodding in approval behind you. Your arms went around his neck as you buried your face against him, crying. You held onto him as he squeezed you, apologizing over and over. 

Leonard got up and quietly excused himself, knowing this was now back to being between the two of you.. He patted Jim on the back, silently telling him to console you. 

Kirk did just that, telling you it was his fault, not yours. You shook your head, looking up at him. “It's not. I should have talked to you about what I was feeling.”

“I just feel like everything was forced now. But those are my insecurities. Not yours.” He rubbed your side. 

Your heart clenched, knowing you'd made him feel that way. “Nothing was ever forced. I want to be with you, and you make me happy… My mind just… Messed with me. Everything is changing too rapidly.” You told him.

“And I’m sorry for that.” He said honestly. “I don’t know how to make you not feel like an Omega.” 

“I'd rather feel like an Omega as your mate, than feel like nothing without you.” You looked up at him.

He gave a small smile at that. “You sure?” 

Sniffing, you nodded. “More than sure.” You told him honestly. “And...I agree to your plan, Alpha. I don’t want more time away from you than I have to be away.” 

He slowly cupped your face, feeling your sincerity. “We don’t have to do anything right now, but it means the world to me.” 

“I’ve never, in my life, been as miserable as I’ve been since dinner.” You looked down. 

He kissed the top of your head. “I’m sorry I sent you here. I wasn’t thinking or your’s or James’ health.” 

“I offered.” You shrugged slightly. “How about we take my food back to _our_ quarters?”

“That sounds wonderful, mate.” Before you moved, he knelt and kissed your middle. “Sorry, buddy.” 

You giggled lightly as James pushed against your stomach. “He missed you. We both did.” You wiped your eyes a final time before running a hand through his hair. “Come on. I need food.” You held your hand out for him.

Relief was clear on his face as he grabbed your tray with one hand and yours with his other. He knew things would be rocky, but this was a great start. 


End file.
